Wednesday, February 18, 2009

5 Things You Think Will Make You Happy (But Won't)

If 80s movies taught us anything, it's that at some point you're going to run into a mysterious relic that lets you switch bodies with other people.Would you use it? Would you choose to switch lives with, say, Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie or Dale DeBone? Most people would.

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The PC thing to say would be (of course) "No, I don't want any of those things. I want world peace and goodwill toward all men (and women). Money doesn't make you happy, it certainly doesn't buy you love; power corrupts; beauty is only skin deep; and geniuses are too weird to tolerate."

And if you really believe that, you are one of the ascended masters of the spiritual realm sent here to demonstrate to the rest of us superficial humans how to tread the narrow path to bliss. Come on now. Kill your denial.

I'm willing to admit that I have felt that money and beauty (more specifically, a beautiful body, muscular and curvy like Tina Turner back in the "What's Love Got to Do With It?" days), would make me extremely happy. And I wasted a lot of time in my life believing that. Well, I can use more money (can't everyone), but I would be considered very rich if I lived in Nigeria, or the Philippines, or Brazil. That's little solace when my light bill is now due, but it is a different way of viewing life on earth.

And about having a Tina Turner circa 1980s body--even Tina doesn't have that body anymore. That was over twenty years ago! Besides, I have gained and lost so much weight over the years that I have folds on top of folds of hanging skin. Just call me "Baggy Saggy Baby". And stretch marks? Five generations of 'em. Only extensive plastic and reconstructive surgery would give me that lean Tina look. And even if I got it, then what? According to the cracked.com article, I would still find no solace in life. I might as well enjoy my every-widening circle of friends, practice altruism, and remain faithful to the tenets of the Baha'i Faith because that is what will truly make me happy. I can live with that.

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